MY LIFE: MARIE (PART 2) Stages of Letting Go

Through my tears, I looked up at her, and she was so angry, but the words hit home. I gave up a perfect girl in my life only to feel this. It was then the anger started to explode in my body, and it happened to be as my mom rolled up on Marie’s house. As I was getting out of the car, my mom grabbed my arm. “David, don’t you touch her, she not worth going to jail and ruining your life.” I responded, “I would never hurt her as she hurt me.”

Read Part one HERE

As I made my way up the sidewalk, my, whole body was shaking, and my legs felt weak. I gave this girl everything I had to give as a young boy — the purity of my life and moreover my enduring love. Marie made me feel confident and comfortable being who I was, an awkward, shy boy. She taught me to be sensitive and say things I felt. Marie taught me to love myself and love her without that youthful lust. Marie was a legit soul mate in my life, and she always will be, regardless of our lack of friendship currently. It’s a one-way road of appreciation and enduring affection. I still believe that we will talk one day and find harmony. Here I was walking up to confront someone that let me down in the most significant way a young boy could face. I walked up to the door and knocked.

I turned around and noticed my mother pulled out of the driveway and drove away. I had lost my getaway if things went wrong or her dad beat me to death for coming over later. Marie’s dad opened the door and looked straight at me. The look was intimating, but it didn’t shake. In the first year of the relationship, he was intimidating. I learned to like him, and he seemed to know how much I loved Marie. Fathers know who is real and who’s there to try to score or do what young people do.

I loved Marie, and it was pure and straightforward to see. “Good evening, David.” I knew he had an idea of what was going on. “May I speak to Marie?” He looked back at Marie, and she seemed upset, but she walked toward the door. Marie’s father walked away, and Marie came to the door. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, and I could see her eye’s seemed red. “Why, Marie?” I loved you so much. How could you do this?” Marie put down her head and started crying. “Please don’t cry Marie, you know I hate when you cry, babe.” She looked at me, cleared her tears, and calmed down. “I am sorry, David, I am.” I got closer to her, and she looked down. “We did everything together Marie, now what?” She was quite. It was then my next action would forever change our lives.

I started yelling at her to answer me, and it scared her. I never touched her, but in a way, fighting between the anger and my tears, I wanted to hug her. That was how much I loved her. I faced two-sided of emotion. Her father came to the door, and I felt overwhelmed with emotion. In a moment of lost love, I animated a threating expression with hands. As she walked, she walked into her mother’s arms, and I shook head and hit the side of the door and walked away.

I walked back and forth on the lawn for what felt like 30 minutes. I sat on the curb demoralized. I sat there, and every moment we spent together went through my head. I reflected on the extraordinary personal life-changing moments that catapulted us into maturity. I was in denial that this situation between her and some Tennis jock name Mark occurred. I started to calm down enough to finally move into thinking about how I could bargain with her. If only I had tried to be a better person or boyfriend. I thought I was, did I miss something? My mom came to pick me up, and I didn’t want to talk about what had happened. 

I started my drift into a dark and depressive mindset that would challenge me. This would change everything in life and other relationship for years to come. You may ask, did this conclude our relationship? That’s for another blog post. When young people share life-changing experiences and growth paths often meet again. So, what did I learn from this experience? So much that I can’t cover it all here right now. Through this experience, I went through many emotional and stages. I didn’t know those stages, then, but as I grew up, I learned what it was.

It was clear I was facing the 5 stages of Grief and Loss.

1. Denial In this phase, our heart—rather than our head—rules our belief system as we try to adjust to the idea of life without the person we’re losing. Even though we know the relationship is over, we don’t believe it. Against the better judgment of everyone around us, we can’t help but entertain fantasies of things somehow working out. We see hidden glimmers of hope buried in clear indications that it’s over. (Unsurprisingly, this is the phase where we are most susceptible to hooking up again)

2. Anger can manifest in many different ways—anger at your ex. How could she/he do this to me? Why can’t she stop being selfish?”), anger at God or the universe (“Why can’t anything ever work out for me? Why am I cursed? This is the phase where people tell anyone and everyone how “crazy” or “psycho” our ex was. Marie was not crazy. She was intelligent and beautiful. I was lucky to have her in my life.

3. Bargaining often goes hand in hand with the denial. Looking for any possible way to make a relationship work through negotiations. Later I will share how I went after Mark and plotted his demise. If I would have followed through I wouldn’t be free to write this today, it was that serious. During this stage, you may take a new interest in, but trust me it won’t work.

4. Depression, like anger, also surfaces in many different forms. Feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything but lay in bed. feeling disconnected from people even when you’re with them. Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite or overeating. The big one—hopelessness. Hopelessness is the most pervasive and debilitating. It is the thing that leads us to believe that nothing will ever be or feel different than it is right now. Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future.

Miss and I are now friends after years of being a part, so it’s possible….

5. Acceptance Finally, this is the phase in which we can make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on suddenly; it often happens gradually. Bit by little bit, interspersed with some of the other phases. Acceptance doesn’t always involve harmony and flowers. There is almost certain to be lingering sadness. Acceptance entails making peace with the loss, letting go of the relationship. Slowly moving forward with your life is key. It feels like this phase will never come, which usually means you’re still struggling in an earlier phase. Knowing your phases of grief can help normalize your break-up experience. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rushing the process. Grieving is like digestion: there is nothing you can do to hurry it along. It takes time, and the only thing you can do is try to get through it. But take heart in the fact that this, like everything else, will pass.

The question is… Does it ever pass from the heart and mind? Do we ever forget the one person that taught us to let down our guard and trust the love we felt and gave? That’s up to you. I will never forget Marie and her being a soul mate in my life. She will always be that girl that I loved and found the bridge from boyhood to manhood. Moreover, my first and only true teen Love in my life!

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